In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”


Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works


After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.


At first it was raw, sharp, and unabated.Now it is numb and full and deep.  I have felt like isolating lately.  I realize my phone never rings anymore.  I can't think of receiving a single phone call after Audrey sleeps in months maybe- unless I...


Consistently the hardest thought for me is that Dan doesn't know he died- he doesn't have any idea what happened on July 6th or the surreal world I've been enduring ever since. But then I realized what I'm really fearing when I say that is that in death, you lose all...

Hey Dan

Another task of the day is accomplished. Check. I am making great headway on my list. Yes, I took a shower. Have been doing so every day or at least every other ever since this occurred. Didn't seem like feeling dirty would help at all.But while I was in the shower, I...

Can’t Help But Wonder

Last Father's Day- I made waffles in our waffle maker with whipped cream and heart shaped strawberries.  I tried to make your coffee really good grinding fresh beans and using the French press- I think I've gotten much better at it since you died. This must be...

For You Dan

This memorial letter was just one sentence:I cannot express how much Dan's life reminds me of what a Joyful life should be in Christ.

Last Night

Last night and this morning have been very, very rough. I went to sleep around midnight again because I have to wait until I'm that tired before trying to sleep- tired enough that I can just turn out the light, pull the covers up over my head and pray to God to give...

It’s Like Being in a Dream Awake

When we first met, back in '99, I'd take the bus into Port Authority at 42nd Street and you'd meet me there. We'd walk down 42nd Street a lot- passing all of the Broadway shows. Lion King was the newest hit back then- and we'd pass by the signs hanging below it with...

Marriage is Like a Poem

Marriage is like a poem- it is concentrated- it is deep- while it is not often understood- it is always felt.  Mostly that poem is set on a shelf while the business of life is attended to.In our marriage, I knew this concentrated the physical,...

More of the Same

These writings feel more disjointed.  There are less themes.  More of the same.When I hear your old bus put on the brakes outside our building, I barely notice it anymore.  I can't even conjure up the excitement I used to feel knowing you'd be on that...

Remember That?

My past is not shared with anyone anymore.That's why the memories are so painful.  Yes, I have memories- and I write them all down in another private journal- all of the funny stories, hidden jokes, and just random moments we shared alone together.   I write...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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