In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

2.14.11

It's been busy.  Audrey's Valentine Party was a lot of fun for her, and then this morning we hosted a play group for a heart-shaped french toast brunch.  All together we've had about 20 little ones in our one bedroom apartment in the past twenty four hours....

Widow Lingo

So, there's a whole widow world out there, and I've been slowly wading in I guess.  There are websites, blogs like mine, message boards, something called Widow Camp- yes camp, sites that will match you with another widow, and even merchandise for sale.Yesterday I...

This Is Where I’m At

The toothpaste and dental floss are still the same ones you used, but I can feel the dental floss getting lighter and looser.  Literally, each night, when I pull some off, I fear that I will reach the end.  The end of flossing next to you.  Such a small...

Han

Han: a collective feeling of lament, suffering and loss.  That's the best definition I can come up with. It has no translation in the English language. I thought I could sense this han in you Daniel- this collective consciousness of a small, but strong war-torn...

Bedtime Stories

Audrey's really into storytelling right now- so I often tell her stories about you and I when we were little or before she was born.  At night in her crib she usually asks me, "mommy, make up a new song!" and I make up something about our day and sing it to...

Baptism and Wisdom Teeth

The night I was baptized for the second time- as an adult in a pool, I came home to my parent's house where I was living at the time- and I remember there was a phone message from a friend with whom I'd been having some problems. It normally would have brought up a...

Three

When Dan was on tour or working his 9-5 job in between touring, it was a long day with just Audrey and me.  Any stay-at-home mom knows what I'm talking about.  I am pretty sure it's much easier in many ways to go to work. But Audrey and I kept busy-...

You

Today is a really rough day. Something is sinking in in a deeper way and it absolutely tears me apart. I sit in bed just staring always at a few things of yours- I look at your cello- in the corner where you left it- and can't believe you won't play it again? I look...

No Words

Or does it negate the fact that I say I have no more words if I'm even writing this? Probably. I'm sure I'll have more to say at some point, right Dan? You were amazed at my ability to not shut up. For now, I am finally wordless.

You and Me

Hey you-I don't know how to let you go.Love,me

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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