In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

Second Valentine’s Day

In 2001, I filled my own small red spiral notebook with things that I loved about you.  I typed them up into little poems that I printed out on the computer and then pasted in.  They're pretty corny, don't always rhyme, and have a lot of inside jokes but I...

The Stone Pillow

Two analogies for how it is now:It is just a little bit like when you're driving someplace you go often and you don't need to concentrate on the roads you take and turns you make.  You drive unconsciously until that moment when you look around and say, "Wait,...

The Underdog

"I don't want to lose my appa," Audrey said out of nowhere last night at dinner.  I had to ask her to repeat what she said because I'd never used those terms with her or heard her describe your loss like this."I don't want to lose him," she repeated.  To...

Speed of Light

On the eve of your death I am watching town fireworks the day after the fourth of July. I am overwhelmed by the crowd of families around us on blankets with glo-sticks and cotton candy as we wait for darkness in the still, hot, summer air.  There is a Korean...

Jo Julia

I chose that profile name because 1) Koreans place the last name first, and 2) "Cho" is actually pronounced "Jo" in Korean.Dan hated the English pronunciation of "Cho." He said it sounded so "chinky." He told me how everyone mispronounced it which seemed surprising to...

Restless

 A melange of joyful, ash-tinged, ironic moments.Audrey watching a children's program where the day's message is that we don't have to fear when our parents drop us off at school because they'll come back later to get us.  The repeating tune to accompany the...

Letter from the Future

I wrote you this song for your 30th birthday Dan- and played it for you at the Irish pub where we celebrated with friends - a few of whom also shared songs.I think it's the last song I've written. You told me it was your favorite and wanted to record it.Back then, you...

GRIEF

I keep having this desire to put grief into words, because it is so new to me- and because i think- it is so elusive. It really does feel like an invisible foe, waiting to pounce on you at any moment. I want to pounce back with words like links of a chain that will...

A New Hobby

Opening up my email inbox just isn't the same anymore.Every day I see the newsletter from the "Drowning Support Network" and the Daily "GriefShare" email.Today's email was entitled: "A Remedy for Loneliness: Develop a Hobby or Skill."This utterly depressed me and made...

Church

Today was the third Sunday I visited a church service.  A good friend and her family had invited us again to theirs.  They picked us up and drove us there- and Audrey seems to really enjoy the Sunday school class- she has no problem going by herself. I...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner