In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

You’re Already There

It has been far too draining just to even think about articulating the rawness of what I feel lately.I am awake.  This is really true.  You actually drowned in Switzerland as ridiculous and dramatic as that sounds- this is actually my life."Appa, are you in...

Ticklish

You were very ticklish.And having you away for a month at a time was so hard on our marriage- and on both of us. I started to resent you while you were gone, and when you came back, it was a tough adjustment for all of us. So, I came up with an idea that I thought...

Powerless

All of my earlier more pragmatic thoughts aside, there is a certain primal rage a mother feels to see something so precious taken from her child- to know an invisible but potent pain has been placed upon her at such an early age.  Who is there to blame?  Who...

You are Always Here

On the plane ride home from Maine, after take-off, amidst the familiar sounds of soda cans opening and air blowing out of those tiny nozzles overhead, I flip both of our little televisions to a soccer channel in Spanish even though we don't have ear phones.  At...

Revelation

Thinking about the new heavens and new earth and what that would look like...if it's all really true.  If it's true, we'll have bodies again- and not be lifted into the air like angels on clouds with harps.  Instead- God will come down to the new earth....

Appa Appa

Audrey is doing the mumbling she does before falling asleep- rolling around holding her little feet. All she is saying is "Appa Appa Appa."

Easier

I am still rounding the bend, but I can feel it.  There is an end to this writing approaching.  Every writer sees the end of their project when they are only at the beginning and perhaps this is why I wrote as well.  The abrupt truncation of our family...

Introductions

It occurs to me today that most of the people I talk to on at least a semi-regular basis, were not people I even knew before you died.  Of course, the friends I had before are still there, as is my family.  But these are some of my new friends Dan, and I'd...

Kitchen

I woke up to another morning.I got Audrey changed, dressed, fed, and ready to go to the play group this morning.  Later, she pretended she was sleeping on my bed with her eyes tightly scrunched closed and her little body alive with excitement and little jolts....

The Mail

After a birthday party today, I was pretty worn out by late afternoon.In the mail today, an envelope from an old coworker of yours.Inside, a notebook another coworker found when she was cleaning out her desk.  It was yours. In it are a few notes regarding your...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner