In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

The Comfort in my Low Estate

I am lately finding comfort in the thousands of species of animals.  At a visit to the zoo yesterday, we marveled at the long snout and bushy tail of the anteater, the ancient stillness of the alligator, and the majesty of an elk's antlers.  While I...

to each of us…

"I remember him being earnest, almost awkward. I would later come to understand that his earnestness was partly what made him so endearing. And his awkwardness was really a kind of rare innocence."

Bittersweet

Bitter-Sweet by George HerbertAh, my dear angry Lord,Since thou dost love, yet strike;Cast down, yet help afford;Sure I will do the like.I will complain, yet praise;I will bewail, approve;And all my sour-sweet daysI will lament and love.

Will Everything Be Returned?

I hear it said a lot that in heaven and particularly on the new heavens and new earth that come only after Christ returns, everything that was lost will be returned and restored.   Is is just, like Dostoevsky says, that whatever is revealed will be so great- that...

Miscarriage

Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant- quite pregnant, I have a vague notion that I was exactly 20 weeks in. And then my stomach just started to deflate a little bit, and I told you that I didn't "feel" pregnant anymore. I remember telling you that when I had the...

Amalgamation

I want to picture you as you were- right before you left.The day before we went to Van Saun Park with Audrey- took turns riding the carousel with her- she rode on the bunny with you - then on the horse with me.We all rode on the little train together.Then we went to...

Locked Box

There is no one who can give me any answers.  No one.  I feel like I sit at the computer sometimes waiting for a magic email or message to tell me what's going on or give me some answers.  But really, no pastor, friend, book, or even counselor can say...

5.6.11

TenMonths.

494-6039

Who would've thought it would be so hard to say goodbye to a phone number.Just spent a very draining hour and a half transferring my number to your phone and account- and realized, I will never dial that number again- you'd kept that number for probably ten years now....

Groaning

The two happiest times in my life, besides the early days when we first met, were the year of our engagement, and the year I was pregnant with Audrey.Those two years were filled with expectation and planning for the arrival of something so precious and so monumental....

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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