In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

July

There is the din of fireworks from the town display next door at the park. To me they sound like giant footsteps on this slow death march.I miss flossing and brushing our teeth next to one another...the way your mouth opened uncomfortably as you flossed your back...

To the Bottom

The thoughts and pain are really pooling around me now so I will try to dump them out in no particular order.  Today it's raining here and with Audrey still running a fever and definitely not herself, we have just been hanging around the house all day.  I...

Afternoon

It is a very quiet afternoon.I try to close my eyes while Audrey naps, but I find my thoughts too heavy for sleep and too tired for words.

Email 9.09

9/12/09 Anyways, I miss you and miss a so much! I thank god for you 2, cuz Im nothing without you two.

Tired

For weeks now I find myself sitting here on the computer, wanting to chat with whomever I see is online- friends of Dan, my friends, people who have become new friends, and just say, "I can't believe it. Can you believe it? Can you believe Dan is dead?" But for the...

Ephemeral

This has been my favorite word for many years.  It comes from the Greek meaning "only lasting for a day." I always thought about how much of a word's sound- pleasing or unpleasant to our ears- came from its meaning.  Is it that words with ugly meanings sound...

Will Everything Be Returned?

I hear it said a lot that in heaven and particularly on the new heavens and new earth that come only after Christ returns, everything that was lost will be returned and restored.   Is is just, like Dostoevsky says, that whatever is revealed will be so great- that...

Sweet Dreams

Sometimes I think I can offer you tributes for the rest of my life.  It's so easy for me to do, but it doesn't make all of this untrue.I wrote some notes on an endless list of things that you did or accomplished or were...but less really is more and there is one...

Scaffolding

The days are unbearably painful- it feels like lately my face is wet more than it's dry.  This all happens in between singing rousing songs with Audrey or tickling her.  Lately it feels like I walk around with lead weights on my ankles.  It is hard to...

Death is Not Absence

Death is not absence.Your death is not your absence.I don't "miss" you the way I did when  you were away for a month.My mind knew when you were traveling and away.My soul knows you are dead and only reveals this to my mind in fragments. In grief, the original...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

This error message is only visible to WordPress admins

Error: No feed found.

Please go to the Instagram Feed settings page to create a feed.