In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

Tributaries and White Carpet

In medias res, I think to myself last night.  This random literary term popping into my head.  In media res- right in the middle.  Milton's Paradise Lost begins in hell for example, after the angels have already fallen.  And that is where we left...

Honor

Father's Day is over.  I had spent a lot of time preparing the days prior, posting photos and videos and slideshows on Facebook to remind people of him and tell the world what a great dad he was.  But I spent Father's Day wrapped in some strange sort of...

Revelation

Thinking about the new heavens and new earth and what that would look like...if it's all really true.  If it's true, we'll have bodies again- and not be lifted into the air like angels on clouds with harps.  Instead- God will come down to the new earth....

A+ in Grief

Yesterday my counselor was surprised at the marked difference between where I was yesterday versus the previous week.  I was experiencing a reprieve from the raw pain and happily accepted it.  In its place, my thoughts were more pragmatic.  "Dan is...

And

this must be the nadir.

Your Own Funeral

I bought my grave a few weeks ago, and I can tell you- going to your spouse's funeral is the closest thing to attending your own. You are so close to that person- sharing one life, one flesh- sharing a past, a future- that seeing their body there- the one that you...

Birthday Party

Audrey is hopefully napping soon (though not yet!)...and her party is ready to go.  There is a music mix of fun songs, a whole bunch of purple balloons, lots of food, cupcakes, gummy bunnies and rainbow colored bunting strung all around the living room....

Fear

I tell the therapist on last Monday that I am starting to experience something rather new: fear.  I've always been an extremely fearful person- something I believe I inherited, but once I got the phone call- there was nothing more to fear, was there?But...

Pulling Back

Last night I had a dream with you in it- nothing mystical; I'm fairly certain you're in my dreams every night in a rather casual way.  My deceased grandparents have also been showing up though, which is kind of strange. But last night, somewhere in our...

To Honor You on Your Birthday

I posted this on FB and I'm up to 21 soccer balls.  I know you'd be happy knowing little kids are getting to play with real soccer balls in your honor.  If any of my readers who I'm not friends with on FB would like to contribute, I copied my message below...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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