In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

For How Long?

For how long, I ask myself, can one live in a world that feels completely surreal?  There has to be something physically unhealthy about it. How much longer?  When will I get immersed once again in everyday details and busyness?  When will I escape back...

I Do Not Know

Someone I barely know but had a lengthy conversation with the other day about grief and loss, told me that she believes admitting we don't know the answers is the bravest and must humble thing we can do in the face of this.  I had been telling her that, to me, to...

Today

Today's tasks so far- let Audrey complain for a while when she woke up at six something because I was too tired to get up. Get her up, change her diaper, dress her, feed her, give her her vitamin, brush her teeth- and...thankfully- hand her over to grandma and grandpa...

Back Door

I told my counselor on Monday that I am feeling such a void now...and started crying as I said this.  That all of the things you brought to our life- your knowledge of pop culture, films, sports...are gone.  I find myself wanting to learn about the things...

Last Night

Last night and this morning have been very, very rough. I went to sleep around midnight again because I have to wait until I'm that tired before trying to sleep- tired enough that I can just turn out the light, pull the covers up over my head and pray to God to give...

Another True Calling

Audrey's grief has started manifesting itself in a few ways; the most obvious is a fear of men. If a man comes to the door, she runs to me screaming and crying- refusing to open her eyes. These are no strange men; they're people she's seen many times before- even...

Getting Stuff Done

After a long morning, this afternoon and evening was quite productive- thanks to the help of some friends.Susan picked Audrey and I up at our apartment and we went to her home where I hoped to get a few things accomplished. Dan and I had gone to a Bible study a few...

The Transition

I wear one of your shirts today- one of three or four I kept in your/my dresser drawer when I packed everything else away.  It's one I always thought looked so nice on you- and like most of your clothes, something you got for a few bucks at a thrift store or flea...

Graduated

Depending what I believe about an after-life and where you are now- there are two very different Daniels in my mind.  Sometimes I try to figure out if I sense one more than the other - and hope that might give me some clue as to which one you are now. The first,...

Grief You’re a Lot Like Crazy

Grief  you're a lot like crazy.  You are.I am house hunting now and can not look at a house with the number six- the day you died- in the address. I look for sevens or seventeens- your birthday, our anniversary - not just in house addresses- but the minutes...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner