In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

Hope This Inheritance

One of the things that has haunted me is how much work I saw you do, just in the time that I knew you. Maybe this is because I've been a works-oriented person for so long- thinking that if one works hard enough- good things will happen or one will be "blessed." "But...

Art Imitating Life

What, I often wonder, am I trying to do here with these words.  And why, as I walk around throughout any given day, are they forming in my mind, narrating my day to be something more artful than it feels without them?  Without them, it is drudgery....

Saturated

Thursday morning.Woke up after a very intense estrangement dream in which I was demanding Dan choose his career or me. Telling him that he simply could not have both.  There was a longing and aching that stayed with me after waking.  It was hard to get up. A...

Homesick

The sadness overtakes me in small moments.Yesterday I reach behind my closet door for a sweatjacket hanging there and see your backpack on top of the bins of your clothes.  I reach in the side pocket because I see something there through the netting and take out...

Love Zou

This is the last thing you ever wrote to me- not "Love You," but "Love Zou"Here is the last part of the last email- July 5th, 2010. Not that long ago and yet a world away:"sorrz about the misspelled words. this french kezboards suck... iàll call zou again tomorrow....

November

So it is November. The leaves are already less bright and more forlorn- speaking of the coming winter.Your death has hit me so much harder the past few days.  I've cried loudly like in giving birth...the way I did in those very early days.  Now I cry with...

For the Most Part

It was an uplifting weekend for the most part.  We had a couple of invitations for Saturday for a change, and that was nice.   We got to get together with someone I know through this blog- a lovely woman and a friend- in the city where we walked around St....

Wedding Dress

On Sunday, while my parents take Audrey to the park, I wander around their home- where we lived together once when Audrey was first born...and look for remnants of our life.  I find a few mix tapes that you made for me up in my old closet.  You designed the...

Synesthesia

I've always been enchanted with synesthesia. It's kind of hard to explain, so here's the definition:Synesthesia is a condition in which one sense (for example, hearing) is simultaneously perceived as if by one or more additional senses such as sight. Another form of...

The Future

I have been a believer since I was about 13. Of course there have been many ups and downs on the journey, and at a time like this- "Christianese" quotations or even verses are just no comfort at all. Dan and I both had been struggling with our faith the past few...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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