In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

Known, Understood, Seen

If there is no God- no answer or larger picture- I always find myself asking, "then what the hell is this all about?"  We attempt answers at that for thousands of years, but there aren't many suggestions really are there?My tears and groans are more prayerful the...

The Working Out

The paradox of the permanence of death.  That at the moment I heard those three words, I instantly understood the permanence of them more than I had ever understood anything in my life.  And yet at the same time, I have also been coming to understand the...

Devastation

DevastationBrokena petal-less floweron a fractured stembrokenby a snowthat never should have come.stillnessno windor motionor breathstillnessthat doesn't look like sleepbut deathsilencebut with thatringing soundno one else hearsand i ask"do you hear that?"and they do...

Rainy Sunday

It has rained all day.It was a long morning of Audrey jumping off the couch onto a chaise cushion I put there for her.  Then she discovered it was even more fun to watch mommy jump off the couch- so we did that for a while too.  We were lucky to have a...

Feeding the Parking Meter

Another memorial letter excerpt: I remember back when we were freshman in college, and I visited him at Berklee. He had a small, cramped dorm room, and he refused to let me sleep on the floor, and made me take his bed. In the wee hours of the morning, without my...

Jumping

I've been waiting for Audrey to jump for a while. She tries so hard but usually her feet don't leave the ground and she just bends her knees and bounces up and down. But just now before her nap, she was a bit hyper after the morning with grandma and grandpa. So...

You Just Never Know

You never know what someone else is going through. You just never know. So we probably should be careful what we say.Yesterday, as Ann and I were taking Audrey for a walk near the river, we stopped at a bench and another harried mom, with two kids in tow, passed by...

Birthday Party

Audrey is hopefully napping soon (though not yet!)...and her party is ready to go.  There is a music mix of fun songs, a whole bunch of purple balloons, lots of food, cupcakes, gummy bunnies and rainbow colored bunting strung all around the living room....

Lifting

Catching me off guard, some of the mystical quality I've been living in for the past sixteen months is lifting.  It's dreadful - like eyes adjusting to the sun after living in solitary confinement for months.   You get used to the dark.  The sunlight's...

Passengers

One of, if not the hardest thing about losing a spouse is you lose the person who is usually your support during difficult times.  Now, in the darkest time of your life- you find yourself, alone. There are many special and cherished relationships, but they are...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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