In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

The Most Horribly True Cliches

Home is Where the Heart IsIt is.  The widow is struck homeless.  The house- painting my own walls, the American dream- none of it matters.   The home you have lived in suddenly looks unfamiliar.  Oates says that's because it is drained of meaning...

Just Come Home

Thinking about the Friday night, September 19th, that I went into labor with Audrey. I was exactly seven days overdue. I'd gone for a long walk to the water near our Bay Ridge apartment and sat down on a bench there to pray because I was feeling quite on edge and...

No Quota

There is no quota for suffering.It's not like I've paid my dues now and can breeze through life untouched by any more tragedy. There is no quota. And just to set the record straight, there is no quota for believers either. Believing in God is not about...

Oh How He Loved You

I have thought of a few more things I remember your dad being super protective of Audrey- and before I forget them- I just wanted to write them down for you.  When you are thirteen or twenty or thirty even- they may sound silly because they're all ways of...

Closure

Words haven't been writing themselves throughout my day lately.  The pain is still there, bereft of insights, epiphanies, themes.  The grief, I think today, has gone stale.  I create my own three stages of grief: fresh, stale, and rotten.  The key,...

Random Thoughts

It does not seem fair that you were taken right after so many life changes- we hadn't had a chance to have fun together in a long time...2008- Audrey was born after 26 hours of labor.  I had to be admitted to the ER for seven hours the day I was leaving the...

Two Days Afterwards

Two days after the first anniversary of your death, I sit drinking a glass of wine on the balcony reading a book called "Art Experiences for Toddlers and Twos."  It is raining.  The sound of the cars going fast on the wet pavement is a comfort. "Dip colored...

This Morning

I hear that the air conditioning has just gone on. I'd forgotten to shut it off when I opened all the windows this morning, but I am just too drained to get up and turn it off. OK- apparently I'm cheaper than I am drained and dramatic because I just got up and shut it...

Objective Reality

Have you ever seen yourself in one of those video screens hanging in a drugstore or other retail store?  You look up and see a woman walking into the store.  You're surprised.  It's you.  We don't see ourselves from that perspective or angle very...

Everyone’s OK

One of the things I replay in my mind is the phone call I made to my parents to tell them my husband was "apparently" dead- I remember using that word.They had just gone to Connecticut that day for a mini vacation and had just arrived at the hotel when I reached...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner