In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

More Regarding Audrey

I've already told you what Audrey will know about you. But I also want you to know that I will try to care for her the way you would've wanted me to.  I can't help feeling on a daily basis, even though she's mine and I carried her in my womb, that I've been...

English Tea

This morning is much harder - although it seems to feel that way every day. I have nothing planned Dan, and I feel like if Audrey wasn't here, I'd be crying a lot. She carried one of the picture frames I have set out on the table over to me just before, pointing out...

Screaming Kettle

This morning my stomach is more upset than usual and my throat is quite sore.  I slept late too, letting Audrey sleep late, which means she'll have a hard time napping again.I have the song I found in your computer- the one you wrote, recorded in our house, and...

Afternoon Evening

From late afternoon until evening I can barely function lately- just real low energy.  It doesn't help that I was always a low-energy person. It helps that the person I eat dinner with was wearing reindeer antlers and a large tutu. I love you Audrey.

Ms. Havisham

Was cleaning up a little bit more today.  Finally, couldn't stand the thick dust in my bedroom anymore.  I was starting to feel like Ms. Havisham from Great Expectations sealed up in her decaying house after being jilted by her lover- all of the clocks...

Closure

Words haven't been writing themselves throughout my day lately.  The pain is still there, bereft of insights, epiphanies, themes.  The grief, I think today, has gone stale.  I create my own three stages of grief: fresh, stale, and rotten.  The key,...

Slideshow

I made a short slideshow for the benefit concert Monday night. First I had recorded that song I wrote for Dan's 30th birthday to encourage him about his music career, but in the end, I decided to go with a composition written and produced and played by him.  I...

You won’t be forgotten…

and another one:every time he played i felt the glory of God and the pleasure of God - and to think that now he will be able to play in the most awesome of bands in heaven for the most important audience of all.

Can’t Help But Wonder

Last Father's Day- I made waffles in our waffle maker with whipped cream and heart shaped strawberries.  I tried to make your coffee really good grinding fresh beans and using the French press- I think I've gotten much better at it since you died. This must be...

Unrecognizable

My life and my self is unrecognizable.  I tell myself- I'm 34, I have a two-year old- I live in ---.  Those parts were true before you died, but without you- I don't recognize any of it. The last time I was without you I was 22.  I am 34 now so I...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner