In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

Afternoon Thoughts

I realized at some point since you were swimming, you must have died with your contacts in your eyes.  That continues to bother me.  I love your eyes. I want to use the present tense because I "loved" your eyes, but even though I don't see them, I still love...

Futility.

Two Years

It's two years today since I saw your face for the first time Audrey.  It was 8:22 pm on a Saturday night, September 20th.  My labor had started the Friday before at around 6 pm.  26 hours of long, hard labor.  A random stranger congratulated me as...

Holidays

I have no organized thoughts this evening.I realized that I never had a bed larger than a twin until I got married.  It's strange sleeping in a queen sized bed alone now, though I guess it'd be weird if I slept in a twin bed too.I missed half of my counseling...

Can’t Help But Wonder

Last Father's Day- I made waffles in our waffle maker with whipped cream and heart shaped strawberries.  I tried to make your coffee really good grinding fresh beans and using the French press- I think I've gotten much better at it since you died. This must be...

The Push-Up Club

You were quite proud of this- I heard about it a lot when we first started dating- you started and were the president of "The Push-Up Club" in college at Berklee. You told me your main reason: the school provided a free pizza to any new clubs. After the pizza party, I...

Husband and Wife

There are certain things unique to the relationship between a man and a woman- a husband and wife- that are therefore unique to the grief process one goes through as opposed to other kinds of losses.  These have to do with the way in which a male and female...

Pulling Back

Last night I had a dream with you in it- nothing mystical; I'm fairly certain you're in my dreams every night in a rather casual way.  My deceased grandparents have also been showing up though, which is kind of strange. But last night, somewhere in our...

Raw

It's a rainy, raw day.  Someone I correspond with tells me he's prayed for us when he thought of us the last "couple of years."  This is the second time in a month or so I've heard this phrase- it's appalling to me. In the afternoon, after school and a...

Dust and Glory

More beauty, and truth (are these always companions in some way?) this time in words:"This is my dilemma... I am dust and ashes, frail and wayward, a set of predetermined behavioural responses ... riddled with fears, beset with needs... the quintessence of dust and...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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