In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

More on Dreams

From the start of all this, I felt I was in a nightmare.  I just kept thinking I'd wake up next to Dan and feel that relief that comes after a bad dream is vanquished by daylight.But these days, I realize what I really feel, is not just that I'm awake in a...

Jo Julia

I chose that profile name because 1) Koreans place the last name first, and 2) "Cho" is actually pronounced "Jo" in Korean.Dan hated the English pronunciation of "Cho." He said it sounded so "chinky." He told me how everyone mispronounced it which seemed surprising to...

What Would We Do Without You?

Dear Audrey,"What woooould we dooo without you!"  you say this as I'm getting you out of the car tonight- we went to church and then for an impromptu visit at grandma and grandpa's for lunch, the park, and dinner.  I guess and ask you who told you that and...

Scaffolding

Yesterday I went to the grief counselor session ready to tell her: I have no hope anymore- it's gone.  I have no faith.  What do I do?  How do I go on with this pain?  I cried in the car on the way there and told Joe who was driving me that it was...

Many Kinds of Tears

Last night I think about how many different kinds of tears there are and I think I have cried most of them by now.  I don't think I realized there were such different breeds of crying before this kind of loss.There are angry tears, tears of rage.There are tears...

Yesterday

I feel like taking a departure from my usual verbosity tonight.  I think because I'm tired and it feels right for my writing to reflect that.  Audrey's been up all night for the last few days with a bad cold coughing and gagging- it's a horrible thing to...

Innocence Lost

It's a rainy Sunday- quieter than last night even.  My parents have taken Audrey outside for a bit and I'm hoping they're not caught in the rain.  Even though I should take advantage of the time to "get stuff done," I feel kind of immobilized by all of the...

See You in A Few Weeks

Grief feels a lot like clinical depression, I read.  It does."There's nothing wrong with you going on some medication to help if you get to that point where you can't function.  You'll know when that is," the grief counselor told me our first meeting. Lisa...

Funeral Photos

Yesterday someone who helped organize your funeral dropped off the photos she had taken there. I had asked for them.I slid in the disc and took a breath. And there I saw photos of it all.  Evidence that it really happened. I don't look at all of them- just open...

To Do Lists

I've always been a list person- making more lists than actually getting stuff done.  You- on the other hand, just did the stuff, while I wrote it down and thought about it a lot.On the desktop of my computer there are a ton of notepad documents with various...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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