In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

and we love you always.

Thinking of you today, December 17, 2010, your birthday...and every day.

Scaffolding

Yesterday I went to the grief counselor session ready to tell her: I have no hope anymore- it's gone.  I have no faith.  What do I do?  How do I go on with this pain?  I cried in the car on the way there and told Joe who was driving me that it was...

Momentarily Distraught

I recall keeping things, very small things, to tell you each night or weekend from my day or week back when you were...alive.  Even before Audrey was born and they were things she had done, I had small details of my day that seemed important.  Like running...

This is All Wrong

On the way back home from the city yesterday, I think about how only now, now that you're gone, do I see our relationship clearly.  This is because it is over.  I am not in it, but holding it in my hand now like a box- not a coffin, but a present.I stop in...

Snack Time, Nap Time

Being in a state of grief feels kind of like being a small child, or maybe more like a very old person. The fence posts in your day are reduced to the basics: bath time, oh it's snack time now I'm exhausted. Lunch time, maybe a cup of tea. Phone calls and visits from...

Miss You

How handsome you are my lover, Oh, how charming! Song of Songs 1.16

After Every Milestone

Another holiday down. Up next- your birthday.  Usually the time when you're catching up to me- but not this time. If you had lived, I would've bought you an old-fashioned metronome for your birthday or Christmas.  This was already written down on a list of...

Stranded Until New Year’s Eve

So there's the blizzard in the Northeast and after an unsuccessful trip to the airport here in Phoenix, we're back at my aunt's with a rebooked flight on Friday- that's right Friday.Traveling with a toddler for six nights has taken its toll, and Audrey herself woke up...

Baptism and Wisdom Teeth

The night I was baptized for the second time- as an adult in a pool, I came home to my parent's house where I was living at the time- and I remember there was a phone message from a friend with whom I'd been having some problems. It normally would have brought up a...

On My Knees

Yesterday was a darker day than most, but the thought of writing about it- trying to capture the complex  kind of darkness- is overwhelming.  Words will fail...words will fail- the stream of consciousness speed of light kind of pain says over and over as I...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

This error message is only visible to WordPress admins

Error: No feed found.

Please go to the Instagram Feed settings page to create a feed.