In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

to each of us…

"I remember him being earnest, almost awkward. I would later come to understand that his earnestness was partly what made him so endearing. And his awkwardness was really a kind of rare innocence."

Naptime

The grief has been quiet lately...kind of like a napping child that I know will wake up with a scream, cranky and needy, so I try to get things done now while she rests- this grief.It's harder to express all of the complex thoughts and feelings that go on inside a...

Legos

It's been a particularly dark day with both of us sick and the weather cold.  Still, we went for a long walk along the river to get some fresh air and exercise.  While I was pushing, Audrey commented, "Appa used to push me sometimes in the stroller."...

Salute

Though I didn't know a single one before my husband died, I have corresponded now with many young widows. Some have endured traumatically watching their husbands die before their eyes.  One recently gave birth to a third child...by herself.  Many have...

Unrecognizable

My life and my self is unrecognizable.  I tell myself- I'm 34, I have a two-year old- I live in ---.  Those parts were true before you died, but without you- I don't recognize any of it. The last time I was without you I was 22.  I am 34 now so I...

Few Words

Oh, how I miss my husband, with sighs and moans, I miss him.

Sweet

Everything I read and everyone I know who has suffered this kind of loss says nothing will ever be sweet again.  Every beautiful and sweet thing- will be bittersweet- every sunset, joyful occasion or holiday, or even a funny joke that can not be shared with...

Photos cont.

Vagabond

Thursday it was sunny again and we had to get of my aunt's house.  We went to the mall and the Phoenix Children's Museum.  At the food court, I got Five Guys burgers for Audrey and I- your favorite.  I'm pretty sure there's even a sticker on your cello...

Lamentation Friday

We talked about lamenting today a bit at counseling- how so much of the Bible is filled with major and minor characters lamenting- but how today our society doesn't really have an avenue for this kind of lamentation.  Maybe that's why I found mine here online and...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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