by | May 19, 2011 | 1 comment

The other day I google your nickname.  I hadn’t done this before.  If I google your name all I see are notices of your death as “Regina Spektor’s cellist.”  But I was surprised by some of the things that came up with your nickname.  Reviews at Citysearch that made me smile- one about your favorite sandwich at a place we liked in Park Slope which you declare, “THE GREATEST SANDWICH IN THE WORLD”- another thumbs down for a Thai place where you begin, “if a thai place can’t do basic pad thai, there’s a problem. it’s like a sushi place not being able to make a decent spicy tuna roll, or halal stand that makes bad shish kabab.”

I find also one single twitter entry (I guess you gave it your best shot) where you were putting together our new bed frame and couldn’t find the IKEA directions.  I don’t think I was here when you put it together- never knew this.  Hmmm.

I find comments on soccer sites, a few comments on the site I write for defending me from snarky readers being snarky about my posts.

I find a review on Yahoo for a movie called “TaeGukGi: The Brotherhood of War (2004)”  You say it is very, very good.  Is this the one we watched at your parent’s house I wonder?  The very bloody one about two brothers who end up fighting on opposite sides during the Korean war?  If you were here, I’d ask you that. 

I also find you have registered on Etsy and have a list of favorites.  This surprises me, but the last gift you got me was a necklace from Etsy last Mother’s Day so I guess you’d done some browsing beforehand.  I see you have several pieces of jewelry you’d picked out for me.  I can understand why you chose them.  There are small rose studs- you always called me your rose (with thorns included), there is a ring with a small vintage clock on it- it’s called the “Paris clock ring.”  There is also a ring with a tiny tea cup on it.  These are all things you would’ve chosen for me.

Finally, there are clear glass pendants with vintage dictionary paper encased in the glass.  One is an old-fashioned photo of a bicycle, and the others are all just words from the dictionary.  I read them with great interest.  This find is one of the only bits of “new” information from you I have gotten in a while.  Old but new to me.  Something more…something after you can’t give anymore.  Something you thought about me…

I am nowhere near thinking you are sending me a message from the afterlife anymore- but I will gladly listen to what you had to say while you were alive…hear your perspective on things again.  

It’s refreshing.

Each pendant has a single word.  The ones you chose are:

anyway  (I think this was either 1) the first one you saw before you saw better word choices- or an inside joke having to do with a Korean drama we were watching at the time).




hot mama


hotsy totsy










May 19, 2011

1 Comment

  1. Brooke Simmons

    What a beautiful gift to find some proverbial bread crumbs back to him in this way….


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