Don’t Know Why

I don’t know why I decided to watch this tonight.   A little video montage someone made to remember you.

I am crushed.  I cry until I am coughing.  I just can’t believe you died.  You were living and breathing and walking and talking- we were fighting and loving and everything was so unfinished- I can still see you- here, in this room, like a living being.  
It’s a tough one tonight.  The tent stakes of this little shelter I’ve set up camp in and lived in for over 365 days, for one revolution around the bright burning star, my “new home” with just the basic provisions for survival- those stakes aren’t strong enough tonight for the gales that blow about.  
My quaint covering is blown clear into outer space.

4 thoughts on “Don’t Know Why”

  1. Julia, I have followed your story for some time yet have never commented. I feel like an intruder at times. Your writing touches something deep within me and I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. This post brings me to tears. There are no words, only my prayers that you will somehow and in some way find peace.

  2. Julia, I understand your pain so well, and I am so sorry. You write about it beautifully. Thank you for putting the experience of so many of us into words like this. I pray that tomorrow is a better day.

  3. I am so sorry. Like Andrea, I have read your blog for many months, but as I try to write you comments, they feel so insignificant, so insufficient. But know that I am thinking of you, and I wish you nothing but peace.

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