I’m not sure what this means.  


When you first died, I was googling around about widow stuff and found this young widow board.   I clicked on the section entitled “newly widowed” o to 6 months and read all of the different threads with titles like, “is this normal?”  “dreams…”  “has anyone been to a psychic?”  “i hate my inlaws”  stuff like that.  


Last night I found myself back at that board- not ever making a conscious decision to revisit it.  I click on “6-12 months” entitled “Shock wears off, reality sets in.”  Soon I’ll be in one year plus “Beyond the first year.”  


Well, it kind of scares me that in the early days I found these people depressing and even wrote little messages encouraging some of them, “This isn’t what your husband would’ve wanted for you.”  


And now I find them insightful and funny.  Like the guy who has a tagline that says “about grieved out, living, and wanting to love again.”  The “about grieved out” is what made me chuckle and still does.  There is just so much of this grief.  It’s ridiculous really.  There is a beautiful piece someone wrote called “The Mask of Widowhood.”  Someone says this, “Someone said as a widow, you’ll be getting a new address book.  I think I’m going to get mine this weekend.” 


 There’s a thread called “This time last year.”  There are tender threads about last goodbyes or missed opportunities for them- eyes locking while blood was suddenly being spit up.  Knowing but not saying a word.  Regret.  And there is a rally of encouragement around those: “But I think the greatest pleasure in married life, is knowing what your partner wants/needs/thinks without spoken words.