Wedding Dress

by | May 4, 2011 | 1 comment

On Sunday, while my parents take Audrey to the park, I wander around their home- where we lived together once when Audrey was first born…and look for remnants of our life.  I find a few mix tapes that you made for me up in my old closet.  You designed the covers and wrote the songs in your handwriting.  I am too tired to go get them and copy what you wrote verbatim, but they were things like, “Yay!  You’re the best!”  “Hope you enjoy these songs while you’re commuting to work.”  Very innocent- very child-like…

Then I find myself, in my brother’s old room opening the closet to see my wedding dress hung up there.  I took it off the night we were married when I changed into jeans and a white shirt before we went into the city to stay at the W.  I take it out, zip open the cover, and take a look.  I take my own clothes off, unzip the dress, and put it on.  It still fits.  I admire the silk taffeta that had sold me on the dress even when it was a wrinkled, dirty sample, the little embellishments on the sides and waist.  Surprisingly, I feel sad, but pretty again.  I even feel a bit of hope and excitement.  Just something I suppose about putting on a gown like that.  But my excitement is deceitful.  I take it off, hang it up, zip it up, and put it away.

JAC

May 4, 2011

1 Comment

  1. Brooke Simmons

    Hold on to that hope and excitement…we need every drop we can get.

    Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You May Also Like…

List-making in a Dark Time

List-making in a Dark Time

For any other list-makers out there, I published this on HerStories yesterday.""In this time of quarantine, my lists are offering me space outside of the walls of my home, a way of making sense of chaos, a self-imposed structure on structure-less days, and even a way...

Simple Things

Simple Things

"In our deepest self we keep living with the illusion that we will always be the same." Henri Nowen "It's really very simple," my late spiritual director, Gladys, once said to me. She was talking about how she lived each day, waking up, having a written conversation...

Continuous Living

Continuous Living

"Anxiety turns us toward courage, because the other alternative is despair." Paul Tillich I've claimed "seasonal affective disorder" for years, and that may be so, but I'm starting to realize it's not only summer to fall that is hard for me. It's winter to spring, and...