It was a restless night with Audrey up a couple of hours after I went to sleep.
It was probably a mistake on my part thinking I could contribute a slideshow to the benefit concert. I thought since I did so much for the funeral, one slideshow would be easy- but I don’t have the luxury of being in a state of shock- the numbness that brought- right now. Those early days I moved through everything with a sharpness and clarity because I don’t think I could really feel anything. Now I feel it. I’m working on a slideshow that feels like it should be fulfilling and exciting because it’s honor of you and has some lovely photos- but then it’s not fulfilling. It’s empty and painful.
I guess I thought it would add a personal touch- a face- your face- to the concert and wanted to do that for you. I think about what you would like every second- “Would you like this picture?” Sometimes I can hear you saying, “Oh, not that one.”
I am angry with you. How could you leave me like this?