I’m not sure at all what to make of this, but when someone this close to you dies, God sort of disappears and the person who died takes his place for a while.  What do I mean by this?  Well, suddenly if it is true, heaven becomes less abstract and mushy- not just about basking in the Creator’s love in a completely abstract and unknown way- but instead it becomes about reuniting with your love.

Dan suddenly seems omniscient- I’m not sure if that’s reserved for God alone, but at least his reality would be so much greater than mine- that he certainly knows more than me- he’s gone past this world- into the invisible and unknown.

I guess this is why so many people, even non-believers, start to think of their lost one as an angel watching over them.  I don’t believe this is exactly the case, but I do feel like since you’re there in that realm with God, maybe you can put in a good word for us or something?

So I’m just wondering when heaven and spiritual things will be primarily about God again or if I will ever really “love” him like I used to think I did- because now there is someone else there with him whom I already love fiercely and have seen in the flesh- who has fathered a child with me.  Can you compete with this God?  And yet you are my only hope of seeing that one I love again.  It is all very twisted and confusing.  But I guess if Dan was a man before, he is not God suddenly now.  He is with God.  I hope with time they both fall back into their rightful positions.