God and with God

by | Sep 25, 2010 | 0 comments

I’m not sure at all what to make of this, but when someone this close to you dies, God sort of disappears and the person who died takes his place for a while.  What do I mean by this?  Well, suddenly if it is true, heaven becomes less abstract and mushy- not just about basking in the Creator’s love in a completely abstract and unknown way- but instead it becomes about reuniting with your love.

Dan suddenly seems omniscient- I’m not sure if that’s reserved for God alone, but at least his reality would be so much greater than mine- that he certainly knows more than me- he’s gone past this world- into the invisible and unknown.

I guess this is why so many people, even non-believers, start to think of their lost one as an angel watching over them.  I don’t believe this is exactly the case, but I do feel like since you’re there in that realm with God, maybe you can put in a good word for us or something?

So I’m just wondering when heaven and spiritual things will be primarily about God again or if I will ever really “love” him like I used to think I did- because now there is someone else there with him whom I already love fiercely and have seen in the flesh- who has fathered a child with me.  Can you compete with this God?  And yet you are my only hope of seeing that one I love again.  It is all very twisted and confusing.  But I guess if Dan was a man before, he is not God suddenly now.  He is with God.  I hope with time they both fall back into their rightful positions.

JAC

September 25, 2010

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You May Also Like…

List-making in a Dark Time

List-making in a Dark Time

For any other list-makers out there, I published this on HerStories yesterday.""In this time of quarantine, my lists are offering me space outside of the walls of my home, a way of making sense of chaos, a self-imposed structure on structure-less days, and even a way...

Simple Things

Simple Things

"In our deepest self we keep living with the illusion that we will always be the same." Henri Nowen "It's really very simple," my late spiritual director, Gladys, once said to me. She was talking about how she lived each day, waking up, having a written conversation...

Continuous Living

Continuous Living

"Anxiety turns us toward courage, because the other alternative is despair." Paul Tillich I've claimed "seasonal affective disorder" for years, and that may be so, but I'm starting to realize it's not only summer to fall that is hard for me. It's winter to spring, and...