The counselor told me I would hate the support group and I pretty much did. I signed something about confidentiality so I guess I’m pretty limited as to what I can say.
Though I’m thankful for it, no one there was in my situation- no young widows with young children- or even someone who had lost a spouse. I could tell right away before we even went around introducing ourselves by everyone’s demeanor that I would win the grief contest with my tragedy.
So, will it be helpful? I really don’t know- but I told my counselor I’d go three times so I suppose I will.
One thing I realized is that I don’t think I’m really on a search for comfort, strength to go on in this life- though I guess I need that too- medicine to assuage this incredible pain for myself- I’m looking for Truth. I’m looking for greater realities than what I’ve known the past thirty-four years. Maybe it’s because my questions are unanswerable really that most people just put on the band aids- books, groups where you can vent and hopefully be understood, faith, whatever gets you through- I’m doing that too…but more importantly, I want answers. I wonder if this desire will ever go away.
I hope not.