In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

Another Letter

The first letter you wrote me when you were touring last year- from Carlisle, PA. On the front, you drew a cute cartoon of yourself with an Amish hat holding your cello and bow. Beside it you wrote, "Amish Dan"Hey Juls,This first letter is going to be a little short....

Brave Quest

Perhaps my focus on where Dan is now post-earth and the stuff of Revelation isn't a brave and admirable quest for Truth, but a cowardly avoidance of the only thing I do know- where he is NOT.  Here.  Something for an obsessive personality like mine to obsess...

Ode

You couldn't pronounce Casper - (the friendly ghost) as a small child- and you called him "caspital."  You dressed up as Caspital for Halloween. You never learned how to write in cursive. You were born in Illinois and had cornfields in your backyard. When you...

Night Terrors

Audrey had started having night terrors a few months before you left.  At first we were so confused, but after doing some reading, I learned about them.  She'd basically be half asleep, but awaken in this dream-like state screaming in this horrifying way and...

Home

Yesterday morning I was putting away the homemade yellow play dough with black sparkles we'd just made and played with when I saw the email that your tissue sample had arrived safely at the lab in the US. All of the people who had played a role were incredibly happy....

I Am an Engaged Woman

From my journal 8/5/03I am an engaged woman... 🙂 It happened on Sunday afternoon, August 3rd, around 4:30 ish pm.I still can't believe it- he did it- we did it!I will tell you how it happened:Well- first there were the hints- I knew over the past few months it was...

No Recent Comments

I check your email when I think of it- not a lot.  Today someone had responded to a comment you left on a YouTube video of Korean wrestling.  It was fun to go and see your comment- something new from you I hadn't seen.  You left it six months ago....

Apologies and Regrets

Dear Dan,I'm sorry that we didn't get to say goodbye. I'm sorry that I would never step on your back when you asked and begged.  "Hey, can I ask you a favor...""No.  I will not step on your back!  I'm too heavy.  I feel like I'm going to kill you."...

Still Grieving

I'm starting to get that a lot- from a lot of well-meaning people.  It's not that they're grieving with me anymore; it's that they're still grieving.  As if it's been such a long, long time, and though life is going on as usual- hey, they still remember...

Practicing

I practice seeing you...around the apartment- so I don't forget, and also because if I try really hard, it's almost like you're there.  Relief rushes through my body for one moment....

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

This error message is only visible to WordPress admins

Error: No feed found.

Please go to the Instagram Feed settings page to create a feed.