What She Remembers

by | Aug 17, 2010 | 0 comments

Audrey remembers so much Dan.

At 22 months, her language is just exploding, but that doesn’t mean I can always understand what she’s trying to say.  Up until now, I prided myself on that.  To others she’d just be babbling, but I’d say, “Oh, she wants water,” or “Oh, she ‘s asking for the blue ball.”  But now, I feel frustrated because sometimes I just have to say, “I’m sorry honey, I’m not sure what you’re saying.”  Then she does that thing where it’s really like she’s rolling her eyes at me.

But more frustrating is that lately she is speaking of you, and I’m not sure what the memory is that she’s thinking of.

Tonight I was reading her a book about baby animals, and I think it was when we got to a page with a puppy chewing a big brown shoe, that she said “Appa, Appa!” but I wasn’t sure.

Then later, when I was brushing her teeth, it happened again.

“What?  Does Appa do that?” I ask her.

I ask because I am trying to affirm what she’s saying like I always do, but also because I am genuinely curious, hungry for more details and memories of you that aren’t my own…things I might have missed that only she knows.

And only she
will forget.

JAC

August 17, 2010
v

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You May Also Like…

December 17, 2014- A New Blog

It has been almost a year and a half since I last wrote on this blog.  In my mind, this blog was complete.  And yet, there was a lack of finality to it.  Grief has no finality, though it does have evolution and change, while this blog does have finality simply because...

Speed of Light

On the eve of your death I am watching town fireworks the day after the fourth of July. I am overwhelmed by the crowd of families around us on blankets with glo-sticks and cotton candy as we wait for darkness in the still, hot, summer air.  There is a Korean...

Father’s Day 2013

Father’s Day 2013

This is the third time.  It is brutal.I haven't felt it helpful or complex enough to say, "It's not fair; it's just not fair," in the past three years.  But on this day, I think those words a lot. Unless your young child has lost a parent, you cannot imagine...