Really haven’t had much time to give a lot of thought to the way I am handling your death with Audrey.
The other morning, Ann was sleeping in my bed and when I got Audrey in the morning, she came in and got so excited, just seeing the dark hair on the other side of the bed and exclaimed, “Appa! Appa!”
I’ve told her rather bluntly that you died and we’ll never see you again. I’ve also told her that you’re with God- and also that you became a butterfly.
Yesterday I started something new- talking to you as if you’re there. I told her we can talk to you anytime and that you still love her and are so proud of you. She seemed delighted when she said the full book title, “Good Nigh…Moon!” and I told her that you were so proud of her. She almost gets that same smile on her face that she would if you were here and had actually said it.
Even though I am still very much in shock and have a hard time getting out of bed or leaving our apartment, it’s definitely time to get a better idea of how to handle this for Audrey. She is in a place I’ve never been in at all, so I thought I’d read some books. I requested about a dozen from our local library just now online. Hopefully, I will be able to provide her the routine, security, and love that she needs as we go forward. I will figure this out- for her. I will do my best for her.