Shared Tears

by | Aug 20, 2010 | 3 comments

Today I didn’t get much writing time in.  A couple from our old church in Brooklyn stopped by.  They brought me dim sum and bubble tea from Chinatown.  It made me remember our bubble tea phase, Dan.  I’d order Taro and you’d order the Bubble Milk Tea- you’d always ask for tapioca, but not too much.

We went for a walk on the river with Audrey and they listened to me.  On the way back, I interrupted them because I saw two red-tailed hawks flying nearby.  I’d never seen two before together.  They sat in the living room while I described what it was like to receive that phone call and tears welled up in all of our eyes.  I am grateful for shared tears- that someone other than me finds all of this incredibly sad.  It makes me feel normal.

A lot of people think that a grieving person wants those around them to be “strong” for them, not cry.  At least for me, I have found it is the opposite.  When someone is looking at me with tears in their eyes as I speak, I know they feel it too.  I look in their watering eyes deeply as I speak and I do not look away.

JAC

August 20, 2010
v

3 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    I have tears in my eyes. You are not alone.

    Reply
  2. Anne D.

    Please read the essay "The Bird and the Machine" from the collection _The Star Thrower_ by Loren Eiseley, specifically his account of capturing one-half of a pair of sparrow hawks to take back to "civilization" with him for scientific study. I can't find the entire text online, but the book should be available.
    Peace.

    Reply
  3. Jo Julia

    Thanks Anne- I will definitely check it out as I've read a lot of Eiseley's stuff and loved his sensibility. Thank you for the recommendation.

    Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You May Also Like…

December 17, 2014- A New Blog

It has been almost a year and a half since I last wrote on this blog.  In my mind, this blog was complete.  And yet, there was a lack of finality to it.  Grief has no finality, though it does have evolution and change, while this blog does have finality simply because...

Speed of Light

On the eve of your death I am watching town fireworks the day after the fourth of July. I am overwhelmed by the crowd of families around us on blankets with glo-sticks and cotton candy as we wait for darkness in the still, hot, summer air.  There is a Korean...

Father’s Day 2013

Father’s Day 2013

This is the third time.  It is brutal.I haven't felt it helpful or complex enough to say, "It's not fair; it's just not fair," in the past three years.  But on this day, I think those words a lot. Unless your young child has lost a parent, you cannot imagine...