A Place at the Table

by | Aug 31, 2010 | 0 comments

Still no sedative.

I couldn’t rest while Audrey napped, and then she was up again.  We headed downstairs to the lobby to get the mail and sit outside on the bench and blow bubbles for a while.

A friend had dropped by a little package and left it at the front desk.  I opened it as Audrey ate pretzels on the bench next to me.  In a little box was a pretty locket for his photo.  I had just been thinking the other day about getting a locket to wear Dan’s photo in.”Whatever you need- it will be there.  God will bring it to you,” the grief counselor had said at our first session.

I was surprised to find another document from Switzerland in the mail today- so I opened that next- only to find a $3,000 bill for a helicopter rescue/search.  I didn’t even know there had been helicopters involved in finding Dan’s body.  It is a devastating detail of a death I was so removed from- an ocean away.  I folded it up and blew more bubbles.

Marie, my friend in the building who lost her first husband around my age stopped by to say hi to Audrey and see how I was doing on her way back from the gym.  I told her it was getting harder.  She said she hated to tell me, but it was going to be a long, long time.  “Keep your ring on,” she said- for some reason.  I will.  Of course.  She also thought I should consult an attorney about the new bill I’d just received.  For someone so thrifty in life Dan- you sure did die an expensive death.  You would be pissed.  But please don’t worry- I know that stuff will work itself out.

While we chatted- another older woman M. knew walked by.  M. leaned in and told me that she had met the love of her life at 49 only to have him die of a heart attack suddenly.  For seven or eight years, this woman set a place for her husband at the dinner table and “ate dinner with him.”  “She said am I crazy Marie?” Marie told me.  We both agreed that she is not.  Something must be done to fill the great absence.  Something- anything.

JAC

August 31, 2010
v

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You May Also Like…

December 17, 2014- A New Blog

It has been almost a year and a half since I last wrote on this blog.  In my mind, this blog was complete.  And yet, there was a lack of finality to it.  Grief has no finality, though it does have evolution and change, while this blog does have finality simply because...

Speed of Light

On the eve of your death I am watching town fireworks the day after the fourth of July. I am overwhelmed by the crowd of families around us on blankets with glo-sticks and cotton candy as we wait for darkness in the still, hot, summer air.  There is a Korean...

Father’s Day 2013

Father’s Day 2013

This is the third time.  It is brutal.I haven't felt it helpful or complex enough to say, "It's not fair; it's just not fair," in the past three years.  But on this day, I think those words a lot. Unless your young child has lost a parent, you cannot imagine...