In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

Futility.

Everyone’s OK

One of the things I replay in my mind is the phone call I made to my parents to tell them my husband was "apparently" dead- I remember using that word.They had just gone to Connecticut that day for a mini vacation and had just arrived at the hotel when I reached...

8

I always had an affinity for the number eight.  When I was two or three in dance classes in a young teacher's garage I believe- she would often have us guess a number and in that way auction off her old jewelry.  The day I guessed the number eight, I won and...

Lock of Hair

I've thought about washing your lock of hair- it's a large one- for about a week now.  I went so far as to take it out of the bag, put two of Audrey's ponytail holders around the middle so it doesn't come apart, and sit it on top of the bag by our bathroom sink....

Strong

After my busy day, last night was rough.  I found out my babysitter for Monday night fell through, and something about that set everything else off and just left me feeling overwhelmed.I told a fellow widow friend that I must have been in strong widow mode and...

5.6.11

TenMonths.

Already Your Birthday

This is a black night.Around dinner time I started thinking of your parents and brothers waking up in Korea, on your birthday.  What they must be feeling and thinking.  So it's already your birthday.Last night a friend told me I'm doing a great job grieving...

Tuesday Morning

I feel OK.  When I feel OK it is because I feel proud I am doing this, but also because I've forgotten how very permanent your absence is for a little while.  I don't know how long it will take for that to sink in.  I will never see you again. Every...

Gratitude Basket

About four or five years ago, I came up with another "Cho Family Tradition" I wanted for us. I was always doing that- it kind of bugged you, but you liked this one. So we had a little basket on the kitchen table and in it lots of scraps of blank paper. Anytime we were...

Child-like Imagery

What a beautiful image a relatively new friend who has been emailing me and checking on me constantly- to the point where she asked where the line was between supporting and stalking- ha- sent me this just now. I think it's a great image. The imagery that came to me...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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