In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

You changed us…

"Dan was the most genuine, humble, and kind person I have ever met.  I first met him at church (St. John’s KUMC) and right away sensed the amount of humility he had, despite all the talent God has given him.  He never cared for being “cool” and didn’t have a...

You

Besides the fact that I'm busier- looking into preschools for Audrey and attempting to return to my freelance job, I tell the counselor today that the words are coming less because what I feel now I cannot articulate at all in language.  The language has helped...

Economics

I have a migraine.Thinking lately about economics- how in our society we use economic terms to discuss so many things.  We even talk about relationships in these terms- we invest in them- we expect a return.But I've been thinking about two things that just don't...

You Wanted

You wanted me to go back to work full-time so we wouldn't have to pay for health insurance and you could pursue music more freely.  I will go back to work. You wanted to switch health insurance plans so that we could pay less.  We will pay less.You didn't...

Trying to Make it Stay

There is something in the human spirit- and I'm not sure what it is yet- knowledge of some truth about an end to all of this that will see justice and things made right, or maybe it's just survival of the fittest- evolution's way of keeping us alive even when we feel...

Photos cont.

Start Writing

Well, I don't have a neat little entry composed in my head this morning, but I'm going to heed Dan's advice and just start writing anyway. Grieving and writing are both much more about process than initial inspiration or end result.I took a shower just now, and did...

Dinner

Tonight, without putting down her chicken or corn, and without looking me in the eye - Audrey asked, in her choppy way of new language:"Au dreyAp paComeOooome?"I sat down next to her.  "No, honey, I'm so sorry.  Remember, Appa can't come home anymore....

Tighter

It's the kind of weather - windy and rainy with splotches of sunlight-where you look up at the sky and see the clouds moving so quickly. It's been a really rough afternoon- Audrey fell asleep in the car on her way back from the play group so that was her nap- so no...

Another Grief

This morning I was lucky enough that our weekly church play group met at our house- the mothers could watch Audrey while I showered and rested. Audrey had fun sharing her toys, and one of the moms brought some of her favorite snacks- strawberries and blueberries- and...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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