In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

Work

Your success did not come easily. I think when you first graduated- a semester early from Berklee- you expected it to, but just this past year I told you I was kind of glad you had to wait a few years and work at jobs you hated. It kept you humble I thought and gave...

Doppelganger

Today I had a really bad day - unrelated to the grief mostly- which I actually take as a sign of progress.  It's the first time I've thought, "Today is a bad day," since you died...because every day and each moment has been concentrated wretchedness....

To the Bottom

The thoughts and pain are really pooling around me now so I will try to dump them out in no particular order.  Today it's raining here and with Audrey still running a fever and definitely not herself, we have just been hanging around the house all day.  I...

Easier

I am still rounding the bend, but I can feel it.  There is an end to this writing approaching.  Every writer sees the end of their project when they are only at the beginning and perhaps this is why I wrote as well.  The abrupt truncation of our family...

2 Months

Is today two months since it's September 6th and you died on July 6th?  Or is two months eight weeks?  I guess I don't even know and maybe that's why the date keeping thing hasn't been as important to me- either that or I'm just not in "time" yet.  I...

Wordkeeping: Why I Write Here

That's what I like to call writing...wordkeeping.  I guess it's a made-up word. But it's more descriptive of what I've been doing here...keeping and collecting all of the words we wrote to each other.  Because we were both writers, I have so many words....

The Mail

After a birthday party today, I was pretty worn out by late afternoon.In the mail today, an envelope from an old coworker of yours.Inside, a notebook another coworker found when she was cleaning out her desk.  It was yours. In it are a few notes regarding your...

Miscarriage

Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant- quite pregnant, I have a vague notion that I was exactly 20 weeks in. And then my stomach just started to deflate a little bit, and I told you that I didn't "feel" pregnant anymore. I remember telling you that when I had the...

God I Miss Your Music

At some point after college, I decided I HAD to marry a musician. I prayed, fasted, and waited. I was hoping for some kind of amateur guitar playing, singing guy. What I got was anything but amateur. But it's funny how that first day we met up at Columbia, you came...

Displaced

Now there is the feeling of double displacement.  At home, I am always trying to figure out where I am and what's happened.  But at least I can look around and have that strange sense of being in a place that was formerly where we lived together.  Now I...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner