So much paperwork is trailing behind you Dan.  But I guess it’s more for the living than for you.

I haven’t been very good at getting it done.  There was not too much I could do without the death certificate.  But this morning, I tore open the Fed Ex package, only to find I had to find the strength to open another sealed envelope inside with the 20 death certificates in a neat little stack and a letter of condolence from the American Embassy on top.  I had to open it because I still hadn’t been able to cancel your health insurance without it and refuse to pay when you’re gone.  I had sent an unofficial copy with a letter of explanation to our COBRA company along with a check for the next two months for a new total someone on the phone gave me for just Audrey and I.  But I had to fax the official certificate in order to process the change and create a new account under my name.

Then- there is the matter of applying for state health insurance for at least Audrey.  I had asked one of Dan’s cousins- a lawyer- if he would draft a letter for me.  There is a rule where you must have no health insurance for three months before you can apply, but there are exceptions to that rule which I am hoping we qualify for under the circumstances.  But along with the letter is a lengthy application and copies must be made of many supporting documents to prove citizenship, income, etc.

I have been avoiding this for weeks.

I was telling Mary this morning how I will do other things- but just not this.  I even cancelled Dan’s AAA card and made sure I was returning our library books on time.  She told me how she feels the same about writing cover letters and resumes and sending them out- she’s currently out of work.  Her rational is mostly because she knows those will probably not land her the job- these days it really is mostly networking/connections.  It’s probably similar for me, I realized, with this state health insurance application.  When a friend called to find out information on it initially for me, she took notes and actually wrote down the instructions for “once you get your denial letter.”  So, I think that’s why I haven’t been too motivated to get it done.

At any rate, I had a spurt of energy, and I think reached that point where the energy I was spending dreading the task was becoming more than the energy it would take to do- so I found documents, made copies, printed the letter- all while cursing and talking to Dan, looking at his pictures- which lately are becoming more “pictures” and less him.  This saddens me greatly.