Last Week

by | Feb 15, 2012 | 2 comments

Last week was a shitty week…that is truly the best word I can come up with to articulate it.  Not so much grief-related- just life-related.  But of course, harder.

For different reasons every day, I wound up crying in my parked car a lot.

Audrey had a temper tantrum when we got to school one morning, screaming, foaming at the mouth, irrational kind of tantrum and even though I eventually got her up to her room, the teacher sent us home.

One morning I was on the phone opening up a Fed Ex account to try to get your blood sample over from Switzerland.  The man I spoke to was telling me I probably wouldn’t have to pay any government taxes because, “It’s not worth anything.”

Another morning the management of a rental I was supposed to look at calls and cancels because of my income level.

One afternoon I took Audrey to get her hair cut and wound up knowing the wife of the salon owner.   I wasn’t sure if she knew that you died, but she later said she did- “That was a few years ago?” and followed up with a quick, “But you’re OK now?”  
“It feels like yesterday to me,” I answer.  “OK?  No, I wouldn’t say OK,” I reply.


February 15, 2012


  1. mml

    I know I don't know you but I read your posts and just wanted to send you a ton of virtual hugs. Life is hard…and so much harder when we're doing it alone (and dealing with wdiow stuff).

  2. Anonymous


    I have never known loss like you, but I am horrified by some of the responses people have about other people's grief. I imagine the whole idea that time heals all wounds does not apply here. And it shouldn't have to.
    When a person watches movies or a television shows, they are exposed to a lot of death because it is such a sad thing and the entertainment industry wants likes to play on the human psyche. But so many times, the characters in the movies bounce back after losing their husband, wife, best friend, parents… etc, very quickly. A lot of people think that people really behave this way. I am so sorry that you were put in a situation with so many insensitive people. Know that there are more people that are not like that. Love to you.


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like…

List-making in a Dark Time

List-making in a Dark Time

For any other list-makers out there, I published this on HerStories yesterday.""In this time of quarantine, my lists are offering me space outside of the walls of my home, a way of making sense of chaos, a self-imposed structure on structure-less days, and even a way...

Simple Things

Simple Things

"In our deepest self we keep living with the illusion that we will always be the same." Henri Nowen "It's really very simple," my late spiritual director, Gladys, once said to me. She was talking about how she lived each day, waking up, having a written conversation...

Continuous Living

Continuous Living

"Anxiety turns us toward courage, because the other alternative is despair." Paul Tillich I've claimed "seasonal affective disorder" for years, and that may be so, but I'm starting to realize it's not only summer to fall that is hard for me. It's winter to spring, and...