Saying Goodbye

by | May 19, 2011 | 1 comment

Did you ever notice when you look at a photo of someone you know well, if you know the context a little bit- the people they were with- you can tell who took it?  When I got the photos on Dan’s iPhone back from overseas, I could tell who (which of the friends/bandmates on tour) had taken each photo of him by the way he was smiling and looking at the camera.

And so…I too look a certain way in all of the photos you took of me over the years.  I can tell you’re behind the lens by the way I look at the camera.  I can also tell because you took photos of me as if I was artwork. You were always telling me you had to take a photo of me just then or in that light.  So in many of the photos, I’m not posing or even looking at the camera- but I can still see myself through your unique view.

I realize that the girl behind that lens is now dead and gone.  The reality is we must say goodbye to who we were in order to become who we will now be.  She can never reappear- the one you alone saw and knew- the lens itself is gone.  So, I decided to search through for some of those photos (not because I’m vain- it goes against my instinct to post photos of myself) to remember her one more time how you saw her and in turn, shaped her.  I will miss her.  Thank you for seeing her the way you did.

JAC

May 19, 2011

1 Comment

  1. becky

    This breaks my heart, Julia. It breaks my heart because I understand just what you mean. You have such strength–such unimaginable strength.

    Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You May Also Like…

List-making in a Dark Time

List-making in a Dark Time

For any other list-makers out there, I published this on HerStories yesterday.""In this time of quarantine, my lists are offering me space outside of the walls of my home, a way of making sense of chaos, a self-imposed structure on structure-less days, and even a way...

Simple Things

Simple Things

"In our deepest self we keep living with the illusion that we will always be the same." Henri Nowen "It's really very simple," my late spiritual director, Gladys, once said to me. She was talking about how she lived each day, waking up, having a written conversation...

Continuous Living

Continuous Living

"Anxiety turns us toward courage, because the other alternative is despair." Paul Tillich I've claimed "seasonal affective disorder" for years, and that may be so, but I'm starting to realize it's not only summer to fall that is hard for me. It's winter to spring, and...