It’s been a particularly dark day with both of us sick and the weather cold.  Still, we went for a long walk along the river to get some fresh air and exercise.  While I was pushing, Audrey commented, “Appa used to push me sometimes in the stroller.”  “Yes, I told her, yes he did!”  Then I told her that he’ll always be a part of our family because we are a family still even though we can’t see him anymore.

During her nap, I watched a video the counselor gave me on grieving children.  Since I’ve already read a slew of books, there wasn’t a whole lot of new information I didn’t know.  It is heartbreaking to keep learning how this will (obviously) affect her for her entire life- and I will have to watch her regrieve at every developmental stage.  It’s not fair to her.  Sometimes I day dream about how happy she would be if you walked in the door right now.  It is the most painful thing as a parent to be so helpless to give your child something good.

The rest of the day was spent building an obstacle course, drawing on the windows with window markers, and playing with Legos.  You were so good at Legos.  I wish you could be here now to play with Audrey because she’s also getting really into them.

Today I looked up to see her gone from her spot on the floor where she was playing with them and heard her in the kitchen talking.  She had taken her Lego creation over to your picture on the table where we eat and was showing you, “Look appa, look at what I made.”

Oh yubo- she misses you so much.  We both do.

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