There Will Be Time For That

by | Sep 3, 2010 | 0 comments

Staying home with Audrey was a choice I had made.  I felt that no one could care for you or cherish you better than I could, and I loved teaching you things and I loved knowing it was the first time you were doing something instead of wondering if you’d already done it ten times at daycare.

But- for any woman in the modern world- who has gone through years of education and serious heart probing trying to figure out what she wants to do in life- and then finds herself changing diapers, having snack time and singing “The Wheels on the Bus”- it is a sacrifice.  It was hard for me to be 100% there because I started to feel that I was supposed to be doing something more.  I should be doing something creative like Dan who is going after his dreams- I thought.  Mothering is pretty creative from the start obviously- creation of a new life- but still I had that nagging.  But at some point, I decided that Audrey was going to grow up very quickly and this was not forever.  If I spent her childhood feeling I should be doing something else, I would miss them both.  So- it was best to put that aside for now and be 100% in this season of mothering.  There would be time for other things later.

Now I need that frame of thought more than ever.  I hope I can leave the grief for later and give her my 100% for just a morning or an afternoon.  Because she is still growing very quickly.  Dan- you’d be simply amazed to hear her speak.  I don’t want to miss this.  There will be time for grieving- maybe while she naps or in the evening after she’s stopped mumbling and peacefully sleeps in her darkened room.  Then, there will be time for that.


September 3, 2010


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like…

List-making in a Dark Time

List-making in a Dark Time

For any other list-makers out there, I published this on HerStories yesterday.""In this time of quarantine, my lists are offering me space outside of the walls of my home, a way of making sense of chaos, a self-imposed structure on structure-less days, and even a way...

Simple Things

Simple Things

"In our deepest self we keep living with the illusion that we will always be the same." Henri Nowen "It's really very simple," my late spiritual director, Gladys, once said to me. She was talking about how she lived each day, waking up, having a written conversation...

Continuous Living

Continuous Living

"Anxiety turns us toward courage, because the other alternative is despair." Paul Tillich I've claimed "seasonal affective disorder" for years, and that may be so, but I'm starting to realize it's not only summer to fall that is hard for me. It's winter to spring, and...