I felt like I was making progress.   As I was cleaning up for Audrey’s party on Sunday, I rather nonchalantly picked up the bag with our swimming things that I’d dropped on the entryway table on July 6th when we came inside and I heard the phone ring.  It’s been sitting there untouched ever since, but on Sunday- I saw myself pick it up and put it away in the closet.  Still has A’s swimsuit, swimming diaper, some bubbles, and a half drank bottled water of mine.  But…I put it away.  It was her birthday- a celebration of her life.  It seemed the right time.

Then this morning while Audrey was at her play group, I put our furniture back where it belongs and organized some of her new things.  I created a new play area for her including a reading nook with her PB Kids chair, a special rug from Anthropologie, her little bookshelf, and a new picture rail from IKEA that I installed to house a few more forward-facing books.  I also installed a shelf above her new play kitchen which she still absolutely loves.  I moved the table with the tea set adjacent to the kitchen.  All in all, I was very proud of what I did and admired my work.  I put away the rest of A’s gifts for the upcoming colder months.

I am hesitant to make any changes like this in the apartment because I’m afraid it will speed up Audrey’s amnesia and she’ll forget Dan quicker…without noticing.  But at the same time, I can’t keep things set up for a baby forever- she’s a full-fledged toddler now and I wanted her to have this play area- especially because she doesn’t have her own room.

While Audrey was gone, I also contacted the company that makes the headstones for the cemetery.  I shouldn’t have been surprised at the cost, but I was.  The cemetery requires that it be a double stone- for both of us, since I bought the two adjacent plots.  I am coming Dan- one day I am coming…