Why Me?

by | Aug 6, 2010 | 0 comments

Oh here it comes, the very childish sounding, “Why me?”

I haven’t thought those words yet because instead I was thinking, “Why not me?” Especially once you talk to other widows or even people who have suffered other huge losses- you realize how many other people are going through this kind of trauma, so why should you be any different?
But…on the other side of the coin- you look around at all the morons who are happily going along in their mediocre lives- and you get to the third why – “Why not them?” Why do they get to go on living, even when the couples don’t look all that happy together, or they don’t seem kind or like they are contributing anything to society or the world. I realize this sounds harsh and unkind- but it’s my genuine thoughts when I’m out the world- like I was this morning when a friend drove me to the bank.
My husband was a contributor- he was doing the right things. He was wholeheartedly in love with his wife and child- and doing what he was called to do to provide for them.
Is there anything redeeming about your death Dan? I ask myself that, mostly in unconscious ways- and no, no there is nothing redeeming. Not one thing.


August 6, 2010


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like…

December 17, 2014- A New Blog

It has been almost a year and a half since I last wrote on this blog.  In my mind, this blog was complete.  And yet, there was a lack of finality to it.  Grief has no finality, though it does have evolution and change, while this blog does have finality simply because...

Speed of Light

On the eve of your death I am watching town fireworks the day after the fourth of July. I am overwhelmed by the crowd of families around us on blankets with glo-sticks and cotton candy as we wait for darkness in the still, hot, summer air.  There is a Korean...

Father’s Day 2013

Father’s Day 2013

This is the third time.  It is brutal.I haven't felt it helpful or complex enough to say, "It's not fair; it's just not fair," in the past three years.  But on this day, I think those words a lot. Unless your young child has lost a parent, you cannot imagine...