Hey Dan

by | Jul 23, 2010 | 1 comment

Another task of the day is accomplished. Check. I am making great headway on my list. Yes, I took a shower. Have been doing so every day or at least every other ever since this occurred. Didn’t seem like feeling dirty would help at all.

But while I was in the shower, I heard my voice calling you. Not sobbing or crying. But normal. Something I wanted to try I think.
“Dan? Hey Dan?” “Can you bring me my razor?”
I didn’t want to keep a razor in the bath tub since Audrey bathes in there but I always forgot to get it before I got in the shower. I’d call that out a couple of times, then hear the door open, feel the cooler air from outside the steamy bathroom, then see my razor peeking in from behind the shower curtain.
“No problem.”
“Dan? Can you bring me my razor.” I called this morning and at first it felt so good, so normal. I wholeheartedly believed and waited for the sound of the door knob turning.
“Dan? Can you bring me my razor?”
“Hey Dan?”
Silence. Tears. Just a few.
I worried that the friends I’m expecting would hear me if they were waiting outside the door. You’ve called me crazy a few times, but what would they think hearing me ask you to bring me a razor?
I had already washed my hair (with the sample shampoo and conditioner you brought back from the last tour for me because you thought it was a really good one) but I almost got out of the shower without washing myself.
When I got out I strained to see a message you’d written on the big mirror above the vanity in the condensation or steam or whatever. I’m not a scientist. I had written, I love Dan Cho. We hadn’t mentioned it but a few days later after my shower I’d seen. “Daddy loves Mommy and Audrey.”
I know I’ve since cleaned that mirror- me and my stupid cleaning disorder. But I still searched for any remnant of it. Maybe a little piece of a letter I missed when I wiped it down.


July 23, 2010

1 Comment

  1. David

    Now that you have committed the memory in writing. It will be remembered.


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like…

December 17, 2014- A New Blog

It has been almost a year and a half since I last wrote on this blog.  In my mind, this blog was complete.  And yet, there was a lack of finality to it.  Grief has no finality, though it does have evolution and change, while this blog does have finality simply because...

Speed of Light

On the eve of your death I am watching town fireworks the day after the fourth of July. I am overwhelmed by the crowd of families around us on blankets with glo-sticks and cotton candy as we wait for darkness in the still, hot, summer air.  There is a Korean...

Father’s Day 2013

Father’s Day 2013

This is the third time.  It is brutal.I haven't felt it helpful or complex enough to say, "It's not fair; it's just not fair," in the past three years.  But on this day, I think those words a lot. Unless your young child has lost a parent, you cannot imagine...