A Change in the Weather

by | Jul 30, 2010 | 0 comments

I know it’s only July still- the same month Dan died, but last night I slept with my window open a bit, and this morning the temperature in our apartment was lower, and I felt chilly.

And then I felt scared.
I imagined the change in season that will eventually come- and will signify that I am getting further and further away from holding Dan on earth. The brisk air and turning leaves will remind me that time keeps moving with no pause for grief or loss. It will remind me that I must continue and go on without him through the seasons, through every holiday, and every day. I imagine autumn, his favorite season, will be particularly hard. He always wanted to get married in September. I will feel and smell those turning leaves and think of the song lyric I found recently while going through one of his journals: “Who thought death would look like autumn?”


July 30, 2010


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like…

December 17, 2014- A New Blog

It has been almost a year and a half since I last wrote on this blog.  In my mind, this blog was complete.  And yet, there was a lack of finality to it.  Grief has no finality, though it does have evolution and change, while this blog does have finality simply because...

Speed of Light

On the eve of your death I am watching town fireworks the day after the fourth of July. I am overwhelmed by the crowd of families around us on blankets with glo-sticks and cotton candy as we wait for darkness in the still, hot, summer air.  There is a Korean...

Father’s Day 2013

Father’s Day 2013

This is the third time.  It is brutal.I haven't felt it helpful or complex enough to say, "It's not fair; it's just not fair," in the past three years.  But on this day, I think those words a lot. Unless your young child has lost a parent, you cannot imagine...