In one of her books, Madeline L’Engle recounted a story she had heard: “Someone tells me of a story of a bishop who lost his wife and child in a tragic accident.  And he said to his people, ‘I have been all the way to the bottom.  And it is solid.'” I too have found that to be true—for the most part. Like Flannery O’Connor once wrote, “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.”

 

Word keeper, mother, observer, sacred eavesdropper, close-reader, wounded healer, beauty-finder, skeptic, and trying to put all that into words. Lover of libraries, crepuscular rays, murmurations, etymology, flowers and dachshunds in sweaters; the scents of lavender, coffee, and books. An anglophile whose favorite writing accoutrements are a cup of PG Tips and digestives with dark chocolate.

Published Works

DEAR AUDREY 

After my 33-year-old husband, a well-known rock cellist, drowned in Lake Geneva, Switzerland while touring with singer Regina Spektor, I found myself searching for meaning in the intersection of fresh widowhood and young motherhood. I documented both at Dear Audrey.

The Day After

I get the sense when I talk to people every now and then or they get in touch with me after a while and ask how I am...that time is passing...though for me it is not.  I imagine that for them, much has passed since the news of your death, your funeral, their...

Freckles, Pores, Sideburns

People, even those who were not the slightest bit "religious" or even today's catch phrase, "spiritual" before, always tell you things about the spirit lasting and him not being "his body," after someone else dies- not "their" someone. I get that.  I saw the body...

Few Words

Oh, how I miss my husband, with sighs and moans, I miss him.

Why

"First of all, God has created a world in which many more good things than bad things happen.  We find life's disasters upsetting not only because they are painful but because they are exceptional.  Most people wake up on most days feeling good.  Most...

Angel

Angel lives in Honduras.  He was born on the day we met: May 31, 1999.  That's how we chose him when we scrolled through the children's faces the first year we got married. He was only five when we chose him.  Now he's twelve.  When money got tight...

Displaced

Now there is the feeling of double displacement.  At home, I am always trying to figure out where I am and what's happened.  But at least I can look around and have that strange sense of being in a place that was formerly where we lived together.  Now I...

Lamentation Friday

We talked about lamenting today a bit at counseling- how so much of the Bible is filled with major and minor characters lamenting- but how today our society doesn't really have an avenue for this kind of lamentation.  Maybe that's why I found mine here online and...

Thank You Cards

Other than a few addresses I'm waiting for from your brothers, the thank you cards are complete.There were just over 200 that I sent out.  I used a direct mail company and created a postcard with a photo of Audrey on the front and back.   I knew I'd never...

Innocence Lost

It's a rainy Sunday- quieter than last night even.  My parents have taken Audrey outside for a bit and I'm hoping they're not caught in the rain.  Even though I should take advantage of the time to "get stuff done," I feel kind of immobilized by all of the...

Dear Daniel

Daniel,You left me- you didn't come home. You died at 33 years old. You left me here to raise Audrey by myself.I planned your funeral. I tried to do everything I remember us talking about- I had a bagpipe player because I remember you mentioning that. I kept it as...

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.

Frederick Buechner

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