Wrapping Things Up

by | Jun 28, 2011 | 1 comment

How foolish of me to have believed somewhere in my soul that one year meant I’d be wrapping things up.

Anniversary: returning annually.  annus versus in the Latin.

Had been a word with a pleasant connotation to me before this.  In grieving circles they call it sadiversary.  You would’ve hated that I think and I do too.

I had hoped to at least put all of the paperwork of your death behind but some of that still lingers and I will have to accept it spilling over into my “second year.”

“There’s this notion that there’s something magical about the one year marker,” another widow friend tells me, “but there’s not.”  Another friend tells me in Korean culture, one is given about five years to grieve…much more generous than the expectation of one year and then you’re done.

Some people say you are rebuilding your life that first year- but in reality- the first year you are busy tearing down your old life – from the very foundations.  Perhaps in the second year, you can pour the cement for this “new life.”

What is this first year “marker?”  Some say the end of the year of magical thinking- the year where you could still walk through the door or call on the phone.  It is a time to remember and relive.  If I had to explain it, I’d say the first year was an exclamation, “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” and at the end of this year, a statement:

“Oh my God.”

JAC

June 28, 2011

1 Comment

  1. megan

    In my opinion/experience, the only people who say that reaching the one year mark is something magical, or that you should be "better" are the people not walking this particular road. I am fast approaching the end of year #2, in less than two weeks.

    And I agree on the cute-ification of language. Not my style either.

    Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like…

List-making in a Dark Time

List-making in a Dark Time

For any other list-makers out there, I published this on HerStories yesterday.""In this time of quarantine, my lists are offering me space outside of the walls of my home, a way of making sense of chaos, a self-imposed structure on structure-less days, and even a way...

Simple Things

Simple Things

"In our deepest self we keep living with the illusion that we will always be the same." Henri Nowen "It's really very simple," my late spiritual director, Gladys, once said to me. She was talking about how she lived each day, waking up, having a written conversation...

Continuous Living

Continuous Living

"Anxiety turns us toward courage, because the other alternative is despair." Paul Tillich I've claimed "seasonal affective disorder" for years, and that may be so, but I'm starting to realize it's not only summer to fall that is hard for me. It's winter to spring, and...