I realize today it is three months since I’ve seen Daniel in person.  He left here on Tuesday, June 29th.  This is way too long…
and it is only three months.

It feels like the questions never end and the grief is so layered and complex, but then I realized this evening somewhere in between feeding A. her dinner and cleaning up that really, it always comes down to two options.

For example, he’s either still aware and in some other realm, or in the ground- a physical being who is gone forever.  We either have a soul that outlasts our body, or we don’t- we’re just physical beings.  There is a divine creator- or there isn’t.  My husband knows he died on July 6th or he doesn’t.

When I put all the questions into this format- either this or that- it seems so black and white.  I think that comforts me – amidst all the mystery- there are many questions that only have two possible answers.  Which one will I choose?  I’ve got a 50/50 chance.

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