After my busy day, last night was rough. I found out my babysitter for Monday night fell through, and something about that set everything else off and just left me feeling overwhelmed.
I told a fellow widow friend that I must have been in strong widow mode and now I was breaking down. She told me that being strong means facing and feeling the pain and sorrow. This is true. Being strong does not mean going out on errands or play dates as if all is well, planning a party for my daughter, or busying myself with projects- though all of those things take strength. Being strong happens when I’m alone, sitting in our bed, comprehending the fact that you are gone. Being strong happens when I wake up feeling sick with grief, but I get up anyway. Being strong happens not when when I put on a fake smile or “strong” appearance in front of others, but when I let them see me weep…
A beautiful sentiment and a true definition of strength. I recently had a woman tell me that she felt my fears about birth were about asking for help not with the actual labor part. I realized how true that was. Your strength does poor through in all of your posts.
You put words to what I feel and it is exactly spot on. I am a visual person and can't express so precisely how I feel about my grieving experience. Thank you for your blog.