1:15 AM

I wish crying was still cathartic, but it is not.

Someone asked me if I ever, for just one moment, forget.  No, I never do.

Tonight your death has been fresh and brand new.  Like the first day.

Someone asked me if I’m looking forward to the benefit concert Monday night.  I am not.  I am grateful, but I am not looking forward to it.  It will be a difficult night for me.  I usually attend concerts with you, or to see you play.  All of the artists you’ve played with will be playing- but not you.  This will be hard to understand.

How many years have I sat in the back of dark clubs listening and waiting for your quick smile in my direction.

This will be the last concert I attend for you Dan.

But in the years ahead, I think if I’m folding laundry, or sitting at an office job, or driving Audrey to school- whatever I’m doing- I’ll be there- on Bleeker or Ludlow- sitting in the back right-hand corner, on the black cafe chair- sipping a soda or a glass of wine, watching you play.

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