Estelle

by | Aug 2, 2010 | 0 comments

That was the name you liked for a girl for many years while I knew you, but once I was pregnant, I don’t think you really suggested it much anymore. I saw it as an old lady name, but you said it reminded you of pastel- so it sounded creative and colorful.

We went to Barnes and Noble on my 32nd birthday to look through name books for our baby. We chose not to find out the sex and be surprised-which we were-very much so.
Since I’d had to pressure you a bit to have a child, (you didn’t feel you’d made it enough in your career) I thought it would make you happier if it was a boy- someone you could play soccer with and talk sports. But 1/2 way through my pregnancy you announced that you were hoping it was a girl.
For a girl we decided on Audrey or Ella- but since most people were convinced I was having a boy- we mostly worked on that one. We liked Tucker- but decided it sounded too southern and had a bad rhyme. We liked Jack a lot…and you liked Jackson. In the end, we somehow decided on Mason.
I read that talking through a toilet paper roll helped the baby to hear you. You quickly went with the idea and even drew and wrote on the roll: “Daddy phone,” talking into my belly all the time. Around my 20th week, I thought it’d be nice to take pictures, and you said you could do a better job than anyone, so that’s what we did. You chose the time of day- morning- when the light was best in our room- then you got to work. Afterwards, we made an album of black and whites- they came out really good and made me feel good. We said maybe you should start a side job taking photos of pregnant women.

JAC

August 2, 2010
v

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like…

December 17, 2014- A New Blog

It has been almost a year and a half since I last wrote on this blog.  In my mind, this blog was complete.  And yet, there was a lack of finality to it.  Grief has no finality, though it does have evolution and change, while this blog does have finality simply because...

Speed of Light

On the eve of your death I am watching town fireworks the day after the fourth of July. I am overwhelmed by the crowd of families around us on blankets with glo-sticks and cotton candy as we wait for darkness in the still, hot, summer air.  There is a Korean...

Father’s Day 2013

Father’s Day 2013

This is the third time.  It is brutal.I haven't felt it helpful or complex enough to say, "It's not fair; it's just not fair," in the past three years.  But on this day, I think those words a lot. Unless your young child has lost a parent, you cannot imagine...