Ann and I also tackled the closet for the greater part of yesterday afternoon and evening once Audrey had gone to sleep. It’s a walk-in closet that you could barely put your pinky into.
And I confess, I cannot blame its state on my current grief- it was pretty bad before Dan left the apartment to fly to Europe. But with recent events, it had gotten worse- I just kept tossing things onto the pile.
But since it was getting nearly impossible for me to reach in and smell his shirts, I told Ann it would make me feel better to sort things out.
So- we took out most of the stuff- got rid of some, and put it back in a more organized fashion. Since it’s pretty much our only storage in the apartment, we keep our clothes but also any other miscellaneous stuff- which we really don’t have a lot of- in there. There’s a guitar, a Christmas tree stand, blankets, Dan’s weights, extra toys/books I rotate out for Audrey, and some of Dan’s music equipment.
So now I can so easily step right in to the closet- which is now a sacred space for me. I walk in, pull out the shirts that retain his smell the most- and sigh. I can not believe how clearly I feel he is in the room or I am holding him when I smell them. How can he be gone and his scent still linger on? But it does.
And now I’m getting worried that if I keep going in and pulling them out even a little bit to smell them- they will start to lose that smell. What to do, what to do.